Story#3: All those things you don’t tell

They should give you the trophy for Miss Congeniality right now, on the spot. Oh, no, wait, not plain old Miss Congeniality, no, you can do much better than that; if fact, you did much better.  Miss “I’m so Smart and Great and Likeable and Chatty and Fun while I do Math Equations in my Head”. Yeap, that’s you, that’s much more accurate.

Now, you should just admit it, you don’t really want this job. If somebody would ask you now if this is indeed what you want and you were absolutely compelled to say the truth, you would finally let it out and say that you still don’t understand what all the fuss is about and why people act so important and busy. And it’s not like they were sent here and stationed between these walls to save the world; they were really not and you do not want to be like them, thank you very much.

Now, it probably doesn’t matter what you’ve said. What’s done is done, I’m pretty sure that once again you’ve put on your professional hotshot mask and voice and just went on and on, self assured, but not arrogant – you cannot be arrogant, everybody knows that – about what you know, what you did and most importantly, about what you can do for them. All this so that they would say: “Hey, we so much want you”.  But, if it were to truly say what you thought, maybe the speech would have gone something like this: “Hi, I’m Sophie and I don’t have the slightest idea what you want from me. Didn’t know before this conversation and for sure don’t know now. Heard the words, they all sound so deep and complicated, like there’s some space ship that needs to be prepared and sent right through universe at warp speed. Yes, it all sounds very good, except that there’s no simple explanation for how to go from A to B. More than that, why go from A to B. And what the hell is A, what is B and why there is no C?

And yes, you sound like a fun person. But do you hear how fun I sound? Told you, Miss Congeniality has nothing on me. It’s true that words seem to come to me quite easily, I’m also amazed by it, but I can assure you I’m not like this all the time. In fact, to be honest, in most of the cases, I would probably just ignore you. Not that you’re not ok or interesting or anything like that, but, in any other situation, wouldn’t find the reason to go through all this “let’s get to know each other” process.  Or maybe I would, who knows, but the big difference is that now I feel I have to.

Some things about me? Well, I’m great. Except that not all the time, but for the sake of this conversation, let’s just go with that: i.am.great. I know some stuff, maybe a lot of it, but for the most part I’m just terrified of the stuff that I do not know. And which everybody else surely knows, they absolutely do, that’s the big trick, otherwise things wouldn’t be so fun. And I am open to change, yes, let’s thick that box also and we can take some time to describe to you exactly where I see myself in five years. Or maybe we’ll book some separate time for this, I am very good with details and would probably take a while to go through the exact colour of the shoes I’d be wearing at the time and place where I see myself in 5 years.

Oh, no, it’s perfectly ok to go through some more questions now. I have a few that I’ve prepared myself, they’re all written down, we’ll take them one by one later on. It’s ok, I do have the time and I feel that this discussion is going so well.

So, you’d like to know what I really want to do.

Oh, that’s simple: be a princess.